I am writing to you as President Obama’s historic presidency draws to a close and your inauguration draws nigh. I am a patriot of these United States. While you claim to represent patriots, many have expressed their doubts. Prove us wrong. Below, I‘ve outlined a way that you can start to prove that you posses Presidential quality. It‘s simple. Just stop Tweeting.
I recognize it doesn’t matter to you that China called you out for your Twitter habit, but China’s right, “diplomacy is not a child’s game,” and Twitter is narcissist ‘Candyland’ under your barely opposable thumbs. Your “Morning Joe” buddy, Mr. Scarborough even suggested you “stop tweeting. Start preparing for the inauguration. Stop being so thin-skinned!”
Now though, your own supporters are crying out en masse (that means a lot of ’em) and “begging you to get off Twitter!” One survey suggested 64% of Americans think you should give up your account as President. The #StopTweeting hashtag is trending hilarious (to the rest of us).
Like Meryl Streep, I don’t know you either. We have all learned a great deal about you though. America hasn’t experienced you showing benevolence yet – so let me ask you to Stop Tweeting for a reason closer to your Midas-Cursed heart-of-gold: do it for your name… brand. (Is there a difference in your own mind?)
Forget about the thinly veiled power trip and excuse for bullying that passed as entertainment on NBC. You enjoy real power now; leave off the little people like union leader Chuck Jones. It’s time to give up the pettiness that made you famous. Move past the petty Hollywood shit that made you famous. Conduct yourself with the dignity and decorum fitting your office.
There’s a great song in Hamilton, “History Has Its Eye On You.” (You should really go see the musical!) One day you’ll have a Presidential Library wherein everything you’ve written and said on camera will be stored for posterity. The first things in yours will be the hundreds of tweets you’ve already sent! History will record every additional tweet and will send a mirror reflection back upon your Name, legacy and your family! It won’t be a pleasing image if you keep on like this. Your great-great grand kids will see that, Mr. Trump. But you thought of that. You’re “like, a smart person.” I forgot.
For God’s sake, forget about your name-brand of tacky, new-rich luxury waste products. Accept the opportunity to remake your brand again. Thanks to the lies you sold your voters, your name is now tied to the biggest brand ever – the United States of America. Here‘s a slogan: Make the Trump Name Honorable Again!
Bravado aside, you care what the media and the average person thinks. You care too much and you‘re trying way too hard. Thing is dude, your tweets are hurting your tough-guy image. I know you‘ve tried to bring back a ‘manliness’ reminiscent of the old west when women were entertainment and brown people, well, psht … But honestly, Donnie, Cowboys don’t share their hurt feelings with the world.
Please don’t misunderstand. I’m not advocating your outdated brand of
masculinity. I want you to be more in touch with your feelings – to a therapist. Regardless of gender, anyone who shared their insecurities so publicly would be a laughingstock. The world is laughing, sir, but not just at you. It isn’t just you anymore; you’re making America look stupid too!
Finally there’s Russia. Every time you bring it up you sound guilty as hell. Silence really is golden and I know how much that tacky sheen appeals. We’ve seen how you “decorate.”
So here‘s the video I promised you, sir. Sorry, it‘s Keith Olbermann. His style annoys me too at times. But, the point he makes here is one that is being made all over the place. It‘s one we all see. Your tweets aren’t fooling anyone; they make you look worse. Your attempts at misdirection worked for celebrity gossip columns, but this is politics. Your “many enemies” are smarter than this, even if you are not. So here‘s a record of how your tweets will be go down in history.
Thank you for your time, you seem to have a lot. Stop tweeting and use the time to finish your BA.
Nathan R. Metcalf
Featured image via the brilliant Donkey Hotey