TRUMP TOWER: Goodyear Satire Company–
Republican party officials are frantically trying to yank the Trump Campaign out of its steady, downward trajectory despite Donald Trump’s insistence on self-destruction
“Pull to the center; pull to the center,” yells an urgent Reince Priebus, Republican Party Chair. But Donald Trump ignores the advice.
“Hard right! Hard right!” scribbles Ann Coulter, hoping to sell chapter books to people who are more comfortable looking at pictures.
“Soften on deportation,” focus groups co-campaign manager Kellyanne Conway, while cohort Stephen Bannon screams “Harder! Harder! Deport them all” in uncompromising 48 point type.
Instead, Trump flies by the seat of his $1095 pants, first lurching right, then left, then hard right again.
“He’s losing altitude,” says Kellyanne reading her pollster’s tea leaves.
Polls show Trump lower in popularity than cancer. This is a shift from last month, when Trump was tied with cancer.
Neither of Trump’s new campaign co-pilots seems able to stop the rightward drift towards Russia. “We were hit over Crimea, and we never recovered,” lamented manager #3 (tie) Steve Bannon.
Pundits on the ground were trying to make sense of it all. “We’re going to have a wall” said CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, the former Scud Stud turned Trump Shill. “We just don’t know who’s going to be on the other side. As far as we can tell its Mexican criminals, Muslims and Democrats.” Blitzer then muttered something about Hillary’s emails and sulked off.
“How could our evil go so wrong?” asks one of the One Percenters.
For their part, mainstream Republicans are apopleptic. Many are going to vote for Hillary Clinton just to keep Trump’s tiny fingers away from the nuclear codes. “Twenty Five years of gerrymandering and Clinton character assassination down the drain. How could our evil go so wrong?” asks one of the One Percent.
Donald Trump is embracing his new status as a potentially doomed candidate.
“I make money whether I win or lose” said a beaming Donald Trump. “But when I’m done, the Republican Party will be gone. That’ll be alt-right with me.”
cover photo Donald_Trump_February_2016 by Gage Skidmore via Wikimedia Commons
blue sky photo photo By Zaereth via Wikimedia Commons. The photo has been altered from the original by 180 degree rotation.